none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
