so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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