The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
