How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
