It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
