and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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