Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
