Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My bed smells like the plague
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
