you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
