i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
