The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
