I just cut my nipple shaving
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
