how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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