never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
