i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
