It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize