Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
