Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
