On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
