I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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