it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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