So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
two words: eviction party
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
