we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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