theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
love makes seman taste better
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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