It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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