Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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