There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need to sanitize my soul.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
