I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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