Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
