She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
