The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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