i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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