take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
