Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
