What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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