I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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