i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
