yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize