Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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