i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
