party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
