and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize