she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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