There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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