Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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