What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
