This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I need water and some morals
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
