ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
