So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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