I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
