I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
