No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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