I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
