we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
