I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
