note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
