He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
