Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
