I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
