Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
