I am full of burrito and curiosity
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
