They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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