Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
