Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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