We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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