I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
