we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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