My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I want to fling myself into the sun
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
