Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
