Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
