you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
