Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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