if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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