saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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