Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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