thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize