My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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