If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize