Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
