that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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